Yeah, That's Cool... BUT...

Hi Maisie,

While you're tucking your kids in bed, photos from today's adventures are being uploaded to the Web for your friends and family to see. The Eye-Fi Share Video lets you send photo and video memories straight from your camera, to your home computer or the Web, wirelessly. You don't even have to turn on your computer for the magic to happen.

This is a nice start. Yes, this sounds like a product my readers and I would be interested in. But then:

Goodyblog is giving away Eye-Fi cards to 2 lucky moms – a $79 value! After you snap photos of your kids' birthday or video from their soccer game, simply turn on your camera when you come home and photos – and videos - will automatically upload to your computer and to your Facebook, Kodak Gallery, Shutterfly, or Snapfish page. Eye-Fi has 25+ Web sites that you can choose from.

I thought I would send you the link in case your readers want to enter or tweet about it, http://www.goodyblog.com/. Let me know if I can send you more information.

Um, yeah - it's a contest with an intriguing prize. But both my time and blog real estate are limited. Tell me again why I'm being asked to give another website free publicity?

I understand that this pitch was not about giving me a product to review - I'm OK with that. But tell me again - what's in it for me? Not even an offer of a reciprocal link.

#PRFAIL

Conservative/Religious PR People: Harrassing the Non-Believers? Or Just TOO LAZY to target their pitch?

I'm in the middle of Passover prep, so of course, I am delighted to receive more pitches of a conservative/Christian religious bent:

News for your blog: An Important April 9th Deadline could put your OB/Gyn's job at risk

On April 9, 2009, the government will close the debate on an issue that could be important to many of your friends, family and local physician’s careers. This past month, the new administration officially began the process to overturn a Health and Human Service regulation that provides protection for healthcare workers from pressure or intimidation to perform medical procedures that go against one’s conscience. This regulation is also known as the conscience clause and protects all healthcare workers, not just doctors.

OK. If the person who sent me this pitch had ever read my blog, she would KNOW that I am pro-choice and very much in favor of birth control, and I do not support policies that make it harder for women to obtain these services. I APPLAUD the end of this crappy Bush-era policy and I won't lift a finger to help this woman's organization gather signatures for their petition.

Of course, they have a right to advocate their point of view. But people: TARGET YOUR AUDIENCE. MAJOR PR FAIL.

The next pitch in my inbox sounded sort of interesting at first:

Good Morning,

Battlefield of the Mind DVD is helping parents, singles and teens overcome negative thought patterns and live a life and thought life filled with joy! A great resource for your readers.

OK. I am not usually one for self-help material - but that doesn't mean I don't need a little assistance in that area. The DVD is from a "best selling author" named Joyce Meyer, and because I don't pay attention to that part of the bookstore, she could be number one on the New York Times list for all I know. So I'll read on:

SUMMARY: The book that has helped millions is now an essential DVD! Derived from the popular book, Battlefield of the Mind, New York Times bestselling author and speaker, Joyce Meyer, will teach you how to overcome negative thoughts and become responsible for your own joy. The Battlefield of the Mind DVD helps transform your thinking with four life changing sessions: What's Been On Your Mind Lately?, Think About What You Are Thinking About, What Would Jesus Think? and Thinking Your Way Out of Bondage.

HELLO. What Would Jesus Think?

I'll tell you what I think: I think these people don't even CARE that I already have a religious faith of my own (and one that Jesus thought was good enough for him, by the way). I appreciate that evangelicals feel it is their duty to save as many poor souls as possible by spreading their word. I just wish they would appreciate the fact that it irritates the hell out of all of the rest of us.

Yes, I should ask to be taken off their lists -- but if my conspiracy theory is correct, that will just spur them on to send more more of this stuff. Better to ignore... and vent my ire here.

Celebrities + Green Consciousness = REALLY?

Mind you, I have NEVER written a post about a beauty product - yet, these keep on coming:

Eco-Friendly Beach Bag Essentials! (Because, you know, Green is trendy...)

Hey!

(Friendly and informal? Or just trying to avoid the all too inevitable "Dear {WRONG NAME}"?)

Looking for the perfect ‘do this summer? Take a cue from award-winning actress Kate Hudson who always rocks perfectly disheveled, beachy waves.

Now it’s her hair care line with partner and friend David Babaii that is winning awards. The eco-friendly, cruelty free line - David Babaii for WildAid - has got your reader covered with award-winning products that will help them achieve all the top summer looks, from beachy waves to an uber-bouncy curls, these beach bag essentials will have you looking hot all summer long!

(It's going to take a lot more than hair care to make ME look hot, especially in the summer.)

To get sizzling hot-weather locks follow these simple steps:

1. Wash with DBWA Amplifying Shampoo and Conditioner, which were named “Best Green Hair Care” in InStyle Magazine’s 2009 Best Beauty Buys.

2. Spray your whole head with the DBWA Bohemian Beach Spray, which is a finalist in the CEW 2009 Beauty Insiders Choice Awards (winners announced May 1, 2009).

(OK. I just HAD to find out wtf "Beach Spray" is. According to the website - which has one of the most annoying Flash interfaces I've ever seen - it's a "non-aerosol styling spray." I guess the thing that makes it "beach-y" is that it contains both Dead Sea salt and Pacific island volcanic ash. Not sure how that helps you style your hair. Also not sure how that relates to "eco-friendly" if that stuff has to be imported to wherever the hell it's manufactured.)

3. Scrunch or twist sections before drying or allowing to air dry.

4. To set it all in place, lightly spray your hair with DBWA Mise en Plis Extra Hold Styling Spray, which New Beauty magazine honored with a 2009 Reader’s Favorite.

(So they're not serious about calling this a "beach" look, right? Unless you don't plan to actually go in the water or get near the sand.)

Better yet – all of the award-winning products are under $12.99 (!!!) so both your beach bag and your wallet win!

(This may be my favorite part of this pitch, because of those three exclamation points. I guess the Beverly Hills-based publicist who sent this to me is used to spending $30 a bottle on hair care products - but I - and my readers - tend to shop at discount stores, $12.99 will buy you a whole liter.)

Major Marketing #FAIL

So every now and again (okay regularly), as we all do, I get these pitches from PR firms telling me it behooves me to promote their product---uncompensated--on my blog. I'm iffy enough about it 99.9% of the time, but won't do it unless I LOVE the product already or it pays/compensates and I love it. So that means 99.9% of the time I read the pitches & click delete.

So yesterday one of the PR flacks sends me a SHAME ON YOU---YOU NEVER REPLIED note to me.

She's asking me to promote fabric softener (when I strive for green products) and put up widgets on my blog and tell others to grab the widgets and write up the fabric softener for...a $2 off coupon---for the readers, not me! I don't even remember the original pitch---it was while I was out of town so I probably barely skimmed and deleted.

I'm reading through email the morning, trying to catch up, and I find this "I wrote to you last week and never heard back, so I wanted to remind you about your opportunity to write about blah blah blah..."

Excuse me?

She's CHASTISING me for IGNORING an unsolicited pitch about her product that benefits me NONE?

WTF...the nerve.

I wrote back politely and said, "I do sell ad space on my blog and I am for hire as a web content creator or copywriter. If you would like to buy space or discuss my freelance rates, I'd be very glad to talk about that.

As for not replying, please understand that I receive many requests to advertise products for free on my blog or do free/uncompensated reviews and promotions. Because this is how I earn my living---even if they are great products----I'm unable to reply to all requests of that nature."

GAH...these people, some never learn.

We need a wall of shame---by which I really mean a divided wall of "this is bad" and "this is good" for these people to refer to. And...i need to let this go LOL.